Sandy had been aptly named at birth. Her life had consisted of nothing but constant shifting sands and change. If she had known in her childhood that she would live so many lives before she reached the end of what society would deem her shelf-life, she would have chosen differently. However, society told her what she was supposed to be, then consistently ripped the rug out from under her every time she managed to excel at those very things.
She was born in a generation popularly named as Generation X. This of course was a title only relevant in America. The rest of the world had other realities going on so they didn’t have the same categorization process established, which was only designed to group people for community bashing purposes. This was also a time when women in America were beginning to be shown in movies and television as theoretically more independent. Little did Sandy know that they had only recently been given permission to open their own bank accounts. That didn’t stop Hollywood from putting out films or television shows that demonstrated women who were “successful” in their employment and some even dared to start their own businesses while holding a baby. For some reason that particular film was solidly singed into Sandy’s mind. She believed that she could do anything, so she ignorantly lived her adult life actually believing this.
Sandy only found support when someone else saw her talent as something they could use for their own gain, regardless of the cost to her. She eagerly blossomed in the attention given as those were the only people who encouraged her to do anything. The rest consistently told her she can’t do it, or that she was bad for doing it. The guilt and shame messages were palpable. It took her a few decades to start realizing that the encouragers never once had her best interests at heart.
She found that she would be shocked on regular occasions at the audacity and blatant evil that had been used to get her to do things that ultimately brought no benefit or profit to her, but plenty of benefit and profit for them. The outcomes that she endured kept getting harsher and harsher until she truly reached a breaking point that would prove the end of her entire identity.
It didn’t happen overnight. It took decades. She would do her best to always see the good in every situation, regardless of how truly evil the situation was. She was, afterall, living in the land of gaslighting central. If she didn’t remain positive, there will always be someone lying in wait to guilt and shame her for being honest in her emotions over being used and abused. No, that just wasn’t allowed in America.
She was a woman in America. She must always smile and say thank you for every single stab and punch received. Well, at least this was the narrative she had been told. She couldn’t speak for anyone else. She had no healthy role model to demonstrate what boundaries looked like or how to actually implement them without being abused and burned at the stake for daring to think she had the right. But gosh darn it, she sure did learn to effectively become psychologically broken to the point of constant dissociation in order to please those who would not let her ever catch her breath, let alone allow her to think she had a right to breathe.
Then it happened. She finally broke and her best friend died trying to help everyone else. The anger seethed out of her rising phoenix form. It fueled her to take action and to no longer depend on anyone for her survival or that of her children. She knew that no one would ever be that fantastical creature called support. No, she had to plow into these fields and claim the whole thing for herself. She had to be absurdly strong in protecting herself and her family. Boundaries became rigid beyond belief. She built herself freedom, which liberated her to escape the very country that was frothing at the mouth to consume her at will. She was done.
It took her a few years to actually recover from the psychological damage that America had done to her for the previous four decades. It took her a while to actually enjoy her life and know that she could actually relax and not work herself to the bone only to have everything ripped out from under her. She did still work with Americans, and despite traveling 26 different countries in 6 years, she only had issues with locals less than a handful of times. Her issues ALWAYS came from Americans. Clients who were eager for domination and control. Eager to bring her to her knees so they could feel powerful. This is why she no longer gets attached to any kind of income source or relationship. She and her children were the only ones that she knew who were consistently healthy and stable. Regardless of what the world brought, they were a team and never once sabotaged their goals or each other. This is how she knew that America was actually the problem. It was like a neon sign.
Standing on the outside looking in, she could now easily see how this was the case. Hollywood normalized gaslighting and abuse of women. The way in which business had always been done since time eternal in America was never once supportive of healthy female employment, let alone having such a thing for a mother. She was sure this is true in other nations, but she can only speak of her experience in America. All in all, a nation is a larger family structure and if the family structures are built on dominance and hierarchy, there can never be healthy anything. Women basically have to agree to check their brains at the door and accept that they are there for entertainment and service purposes only. She only wishes she had realized this water when she was 20. Had she known, she would have not listened to any of them in the first place. Standing shocked and appalled on a regular basis certainly didn’t do anything to change the continual circumstances that were presented to her.
As if things couldn’t get any better, she finally entered perimenopause. Bodies are just wonderful, aren’t they? It’s not enough to have society punch women, but our own bodies have to do it as well. She could resent this new phase of her life, but she found strength in it instead. Watching the numerous women around her speaking of how their medical professionals dismissed them or gaslighted them and seeing how all of these women were constantly proclaiming how they were helpless to their bodies, she had a different feeling about it all. Yes, she was definitely a hostage to her body, which felt an awful lot like living in society as a female. The only difference now was that this body hostage taking situation also gave her a new weapon that she would have to learn to brandish discerningly. This weapon was one of absolute contention.
You want to work today? HAHAHA! Her body laughed as it knocked her to her knees for days on end. You want to lose weight? HAHAHAHA! Here, have another 10 lbs. because you don’t get to have any say over my reign. He wants to treat you like a toy he can toss around and discard or harm at will? Here let me help you. I will harness your emotions to a point that no man stands a chance against you ever again. In fact, no one does. I own you now and so none of them get claim on you ever again. Sandy thought about this and realized her body was the hero she had been waiting for her whole life. It was the only one who actually protected her and made sure she did what was healthy and good for her. It tolerated no one’s abuse and gave her sharp tongue whipping skills if and when necessary.
She had to learn to harness that last one. It was too delicious to just let loose and the world was definitely not prepared to handle it. Oh, but if she could only be fully free with it, what a delicious experience that would be. It would feel like justice. She smiled as she secretly crept away from the pressures of society to live how she darn well pleased and had no more cares to give to the expectations that had owned her entire life. If only she had known this in her youth.
She was grateful that her daughter was raised differently so she would never become a toy for the masses. No, her daughter really will live her life how she wants. She was raised knowing the world she was in and literally seeing all of it first-hand. Her daughter was aptly named Autumn. The falling away of the old in order to make way for the new. The sands of time did not merely pass for these women. No, these women learned how to analyze the sands and make those sands work for them. They refuse to be victims of shifting sands. Instead, they navigate the sands knowing their patterns and avoiding the sandtraps put in place by small people desperate for power.
Most importantly, they respect their bodies above all else. No external source will ever provide the protection their own bodies naturally gave them. No, they learned to honor them and use them how they should be used, instead of the way society tells women to use them. Those bodies know how to shut the whole thing down. The GOP said so. This is why so many women who finally receive their golden body ownership find their men fleeing to women naive to this natural wisdom. The only lesson Sandy would wish upon younger women is to learn to ignore them all now. Do not break the women for the hierarchy. It doesn’t work in the end anyway. Those women’s bodies will take over everything and no one can stop them. It is as nature intended.